[Excerpted from the Nábrókaway LLC website, all rights reserved]

PERMANENT? NOT NECESSARILY! 

That one night in college; your crazy ex; that time you showed up drunk to your barista gig. We all have regrets. Maybe you were having a tough time making rent one month and this seemed like a ready, if unconventional, solution. But compared to the regret that follows, say, a terrible tattoo, the decision to extract a verbal agreement from a living male allowing you to dig up his corpse after he dies, skin him from the waist down, turn that skin into a nábrók (commonly known as necropants, or corpse britches), don the pants, let the skin bond to you, and put a coin stolen from a destitute widow into the scrotal sack in order to ensure that the sack will continually be full of more coin, can lead to a deep-seated regret. Deep, deep regret. Maybe you’d like to once again wear stuttbuxur (“shorts,” if you prefer), or go to the beach. Maybe you’re dating someone new, and they find your leathery, necrotic appearance “down there” discomfiting. Maybe the sack did not produce as much coin as you had hoped. Maybe the necropants just no longer reflect who you are!

[…]

INTRODUCING 10-STV LASER, NÁBRÓKAWAY’S CUTTING-EDGE TECHNOLOGY:

Before the introduction of 10-STV laser, the only removal methods for nábrók were fire, flaying (potentially fatal), or ineffectual exorcism rites. Here at Nábrókaway, our experts are board-certified in dermatology and galdramaður-initiated in the use of curse-breaking formulae. For removal, we use ten types of cutting-edge laser, one for each of the round nodes on the stave (i.e., sigil) that you inscribed on parchment and placed in the scrotum along with the coin. For laser is like unto fire, and it burneth the unholy bond.

[…]

BOOKED AN APPOINTMENT? WHAT TO EXPECT: 

At your first appointment, your technician will consult with you on your skin type, the age and condition of the cadaver you dug up, and the exact steps you followed to create the nábrók. During treatment, you may feel a burning or stinging sensation. This is normal. The removal process does hurt a bit! We won’t lie! You may also hear low singing or mumbled pleas, very close to your ear. Ignore these.

[…]

POST-TREATMENT RECOMMENDATIONS: 

Do not pick, poke, or scratch the treated area. Avoid vigorous exercise for 24 hours. Avoid direct exposure to sun for at least 48 hours, or until the area no longer smokes and burns when exposed to sunlight. The recovery period is a good time for rest and reflection.

[…] 

• We operate on the assumption that you inscribed the correct stave on the paper you slipped into the scrotal sack. It should have exactly ten nodes (see below example):
• If you have used the wrong stave, it may be the reason why the sack is not drawing the riches that you desire. More importantly, a symbol with the incorrect number of nodes will not correspond to the 10-STV lasers that we employ here, making removal ineffective at best, and, at worst, quite harmful. No laser will burn away carelessness. Have you considered that this carelessness may be what caused your money woes in the first place? Did you think this thing through?
  • Did you?
  • We will not accept the scrotal sack itself as payment, regardless of whether it is still producing coin. If you studied the Icelandic lore beforehand (and we trust you did, rather than, say, attempting to perform an unfamiliar enchantment you procured from the internet), then you know that in order for the sack to produce coin for someone else, they must voluntarily step into the pants in your stead. It is against company policy to allow any Nábrókaway employee to assume this burden.
  • Nábrókaway assumes that, per the traditional rite, you secured permission from the male before digging up his corpse. Nábrókaway is not responsible for any adverse treatment effects in cases where consent was absent. This would represent an act of necromantic kidnapping, as well as a violation of bodily autonomy, both of which are against company policy. If you think you are entitled to the remains of another human being and the power conferred by those remains, our belief is that no fire will cleanse you.
  • While we strive to return your skin to its original, unbonded state, it is not always possible. The act of donning the pants inevitably triggers a series of changes, and we are not responsible for the state of your skin following removal. Depending on which grimoire translation you used for the rite, the text may have read the pants will stick to you or the pants will become indistinguishable from you. Indistinguishable is somewhat open to interpretation—what does that word mean to you? To us, it means that an additional package of treatments may be necessary.
  • Think of the beach now. The sand is white, the water blue, and your skin supple and pristine. Maybe you even have a few coins still jangling in your pocket. But you are clean, you are free, the pants nothing but a bad dream.
  • Refer back to the statement “Maybe the necropants no longer reflect who you are!” Would you agree with this? Who were you when you went to that cemetery, alone, after dark? When you broke the earth, hoping no one would see, cracked open the coffin, and hauled out the body of someone who, honestly, may not have been in their right mind when they made this agreement? What did you say to convince them? Who were you when you brought that thing home? Who are you now? Have you truly changed? Or will you appropriate the next convenient bit of black magic the next time you want something?
  • All decisions have consequences.
  • Do not die while wearing the necropants. This is the worst thing that could happen to you. If you completed the required prerequisite studies beforehand, then you know why. This possibility constitutes perhaps the most compelling reason for purchasing one of our laser packages.
  • Nábrókaway will not dispose of the pants for you. The removal thereof concludes our contract. Dead of night, boneless of body, hungry with a nameless hunger, a hunger familiar to you, they may pad quiet and decrepit to your door. Our technicians are in the process of working on a laser for that. In the meantime, regardless of whether you are free of the pants, you are free to join our mailing list.
  • Finally, Nábrókaway’s contract excludes any matters related to the widow, who, when you think about it, is also excluded from this story. Who is she? What happened to her husband? Does she have any coins left? Did anyone think about her?