dir. Robyn Adams

The Estrogen Gospel is an allegorical short film exploring the experience of women. It builds a narrative of religious undertones and allusions while maintaining an air of transcendence. We are taken by the hand into a pilgrimage, where the character meets a group of people who warn not only the pilgrim but also the audience about the journey. What appears as a helping hand, as groups and communities are wont, is her first obstacle. If she must embark on the journey, she must make the decision and do it alone. On the journey toward acceptance, the pilgrim must confront not only herself but also the “Dead:” disembodied voices and the evil she will face on her way. The “Dead” appears to be more than what was, as in Genesis, but an obstacle—a symbol of the self and the voice of dissent. She must choose to succumb to the past or continue toward the Cross (that which is promised). 

As with all struggles with the self, this is the defining journey. The namelessness of this character appears intentional; what namelessness hides is uncovered in generality. This is the Gospel for everyone, like the pilgrim.

Robyn Adams in The Estrogen Gospel subverts traditional religious pilgrimage. Instead, reinterpreting pilgrimage as inward and personal. But what is more religious than what goes on in our bodies, within us? To answer this, the pilgrim, despite the warnings, goes to the Hill. It is on this hill that one gets the clearest view of the town. The Hill serves as both the site of epiphany and the location of the Old Cross. The “Dead” that the character confronts confirms the group’s concern. The Hill is not a safe place, and to defeat the “Dead,” the pilgrim must resolve to live. To “become a living woman.” In this, there is an implied message: what defines the extent to which one lives or appears to live is disavowal or refusal of death. To live, the pilgrim must affirm that she is alive. It is in this affirmation that she defeats the “Dead.” The Hill is, after all, the place one goes to see the town clearly. The symbol of clarity. 

In this journey, we are entrusted with the responsibility of onlookers, as the group was in the beginning. We are entrusted with the responsibility of asking whether or not the danger is worth it, if staying back is not the safer option. But our responsibility stops at the foot of the hill, even before the ascent. This subversion begins and ends with self-discovery. As the pilgrim discovers people like her in the bar, she, after the journey, discovers herself. One question hangs in the air: what happens after the Old Cross? To what end is the pilgrimage? As if in response to this, the pilgrim is welcomed back into town by one of the group members. The Estrogen Gospel leaves us with more questions than answers, inviting reflection on death, transformation, and life: are the bodies on the Hill bodies of successful pilgrims, or is death essential to the transformation?